Think of the experience of loss as a garden. The soil is the situation that brought us to grief. Our mourning, or this gentle approach to ourselves and what we encounter in the garden, is the fertilizer. Love and awareness are the sunshine needed for flourishing, and our tears are the pure liquid that water our growth. We need to water our garden regularly to keep it blooming.
Internally, grief is a wild ride. It can take us through extreme emotional highs and deep lows in a single day. It can make us vulnerable to mental and physical illness. Therefore, it is an especially good time to remind ourselves not to practice self-denigration. We have no need to make this harder on ourselves than it already feels.
In fact, one of the kindest things we can do for ourselves is to use this as an opportunity to allow the very best in our human qualities to expand. This is the natural result of full mourning; this expansion wants to happen, and by entering into this process, we simply move out of the way so that these aspects of life, and ultimately life itself, can truly blossom through us.